on a math test: 2+2
me: use calculator just in case
Someone: Wow you got fat
Me: Wow who stabbed that knife in your face
When my parents don't let me go out
Have your daily laugh-gasm here!
Talking to my mom on the phone:
most-awkward-moments: Have your daily laugh-gasm here! ALRIGHT NOW LADIES
ponweiwest: it took us three days to make that potato salad THREE DAYS
imjustonekid: Mom saw porn on the dash. “Are those people’s butts??” “Ohhh, it’s just my dash so I can’t control what people put on it…so it might’ve been.” (it was clearly butts) “Well, you should put a message on there that says ‘no butts please’.” OKAY. EVERYONE. NO BUTTS PLEASE. NONE. NO BUTTS.
Jules: Dogs have personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent: So, by that rational, if a pig had a better personality, he'd cease to be a filthy animal. Is that right?
Jules: We'd have to be talking about one charming motherfucking pig. I mean, he'd have to be ten times more charming than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm saying?
I just didn’t want to be fixed. Whatever my real problems might be, I didn’t...– Chuck Palahniuk (via teenage—ri0t)